Dark Side of Life
by Fifi le Jinx
Summary: This is the Darker part of life. A place so few can glimpse and so many know. Here ones have been beaten, are angry, sad, anxious. Yet I find it a bit sad that these are kids. Kids who've been forced to face a harsh reality and have it drag them down. . .
1. 01 Intro

**A/N: New story. Dark. The thoughts in this are real, and I tried the best I could to put it all in words. I hope it helps some people understand what some kids really see and think.**

_**Edit: I redid this because I ended up reworking the whole story. Hopefully this way it's better and won't end up sitting there forever, waiting to be finished.**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts**

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Intro

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If you had asked me what goes through a person's mind right before they committed suicide-I couldn't have answered you. Actually-I would have brushed you off and walked away.

I used to think people that did that weren't right in the head.

-and I was right.

Life has had to have fucked you over so bad for you to even think about going through with it.

But Xion-I never thought Xion-

If anyone I knew would have-I never thought-god.

Why Xion?

_Roxas_

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When I was younger I always wondered why the other kids wanted to be just like their mommies or their daddies. I never understood why they looked up to their parents.

They always thought I was weird for looking up to my brother.

-Now, I'm started to wonder about that, too.

Why should someone look up to the one person who was supposed to protect them, but left them for dead?

He was supposed to be there.

He promised-but now.

Now-

_Kairi_


	2. 02 Roxas

**A/N: The second Chapter of this. Gives more insight into what I put in the first chapter. Again I tried to put it all in written words but I'm not sure if I actually put them right. It is from a "kids" point of view so language isn't elaborate as it could be if it weren't this kind of writing. Any questions just ask.**

_**Edit: Going through and rewriting. Tell me what you think.**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts**

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**Roxas**

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Sometimes I just feel so messed up I don't ever wanna wake up. I'm just so tired, you know?

Truth is: I hate it all. I hate everything.

I know that there are people out there with worse problems than mine, but-

How do you cope with the pain? How do those people who survive this shit come out on top and say, "I survived. And you can do it too?"

How?

What pisses me off, though, is how adults usually react to situations like this. They were kids once! Why can't they think like us anymore? Is it so much beneath them to see through the lies we tell that were so much like theirs once? And they wonder why a lot of us are so fucked up.

They're so blind that they dared to ask why she killed herself.

_Oh she seemed so happy. Poor thing, to die so early. I wonder why she did it. She always seemed so happy._

Fuck all of you stupid idiots!

-god.

It's my fault. I should have checked in on her. She was my friend-and I didn't even-I-

Xion would still be alive if only I had called.

But I didn't and now-now she's gone.

_Hey Roxas, I'm sorry to hear about Xion. Why do you think she did that Roxas? Was Xion all there? I never thought she was like that. . ._

Those dumb shits knew nothing about her!

But I guess. . . I didn't either.

. . .I fucking hate it all and-I wish-I wish I could just die. . .


	3. 03 Kairi

**A/N: Third Chapter. Again it gives more insight to the first Chapter. And again I tried my best to put it in words. Not so sure it worked out well or not. I hope it did.**

_**Edit: Still going through. Not really happy with this one-so I'll come back later and work on it. For now, it works.**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

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**Kairi**

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I feel so fucking angry for no reason sometimes. I just get so mad-and it could be over nothing.

I wish-

There's a lot of things I could wish for.

Better parents. Ones that actually treated me right.

There are days where I just get-so tired of all the shit. Some days-I don't even want to go home.

Actually, I just want a home.

A place I can go to where I'm not fighting for my fucking life. What kind of life for a kid is that?! Parents should not trying to break their kid's legs. Or trying to kill them. God!

What I'd give to be able to go a day without smelling alcohol and bruising.

But my life wasn't supposed to be like this. My brother-he was supposed to protect me.

And when I was younger, I believed if he ever left, he would take me with him.

I thought he loved me!

But-I guess I was wrong.

And-

Just thinking about it pisses me off.

-I just want to leave! Run! Leave everything behind and, not fucking once, looking back.


	4. 04 Roxas

**A/N: Yeah. . . I don't really know what to say here at the moment other than Life sucks and I seem to be holding up pretty good at the moment. Just for the heck of it I might just upload a whole bunch of chapters today. Truth be told I haven't looked at these in a while so sorry if there are spelling errors or I left something out. I think it was 3 A.M. when I originally wrote this so I might have sped up towards the end. And if you care to tell me what you think so far.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts**

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**Roxas**

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School. How much I fucking hate it.

Every thing I do here is watched. Just in case Xion's death "becomes to much for me" and I end up "getting too depressed". Those stupid teachers think they're helping. They think that saying that I could come to them is gonna help me.

It doesn't do much but make me wanna show them how much is really going on. I know though that if I do it'll just make them put me in the hospital when they see just how fucked up I really am.

"Hey Rox."

"Hey Axel." I couldn't help but let the frustrated sigh out when I saw the math teacher send us worried glances. I started to glare when she smiled when she caught my eye, but she didn't see it because she turned away at the moment.

School got me out of the house, but still I'd rather be somewhere else. The bright lights never helped when a headache came, just turned them into migraines. When the teachers badgered me to get my work done when they knew I was having a hard time with Xion's death just made me frustrated. The only classes bearable were the ones I shared with my friends.

Which was only about two out of the six I had. Did I mention I fucking hate block scheduling? Classes lasted for an hour and thirty minutes. Four classes each day. Seemed easy but spending that much time sitting down in a desk got to me. When it got to me I would get irritated. Especially now when every teacher I had was watching me. Closely.

I fucking hated it. Good thing was it was third block. My last class of the day. Worst part was that it always seemed the longest.

The entire time I spent my time listening to my Mp3 and doodling. By the end of the class I had turned in to the teacher a picture of a dragon. Random but it was what I put on paper. At least its something. I was just about to put everything in my bag when she called me up.

"Roxas? Can I see you after class?"

"God. . ." I couldn't help but heave a sigh when she asked. She was gonna ask the same thing all the others did and probably send me to the counselors like the others did. Looking at Axel I could tell he went through the same thing too with his other teachers. He was Xion's other best friend.

"I'll wait outside. Dem wants to take us out to eat today." I nodded and watched as he left to go start his car. The three of us used his car 'cause his was better.

Soon as the last person was out the door I slowly made my up to the teacher's desk. In her hands was the dragon I drew.

"Roxas? Are you doing okay?" She asked with genuine worry in her voice. Not wanting to talk I shrugged. No I wasn't okay. Would you be okay if your best friend had just committed suicide? No, you wouldn't be. Just ask anyone whose friend did. It's one of the most horrible feelings you could ever have. Especially the feeling you get when you weren't able to save them. It just doesn't break your heart, it kills you completely. You remember each good time you had and each bad time. You shared that memory with them and it hurts to think back on it. So much you want to kill yourself just to be with them again. It fucks you up that bad.

"Roxas, if you need to get something out just say it. For one of your friends to die must be hard. You can't keep everything in. Its not healthy." Again I can't help but sigh. I've heard the same thing from all of the other teachers too. I know it's not healthy but how can talking about it help? The only thing that can make it better is if she were still here. Nothing you can do can make this pain go away. Its still gonna be there if I end up in a hospital or I'm still running around town. You can't forget something like this. Not ever.

I heard her sigh herself before talking again.

"Just remember if you need to talk come to me or go see the counselor. Remember you can't keep it bottled up. Promise me that Roxas." I know she's not gonna let me leave if I just nod.

"Okay, I promise." Just to make her believe me more I looked her dead in the eye. It seemed to have worked since she gave me a tired smile, but her eyes still had that worried look. Now I wonder what my eyes really looked like. Probably as blank and dead as I felt. Before she could say anything else a girl behind me spoke up.

"You wanted to see me?" Turning around I saw a girl with red-brown hair and violet-blue eyes. She wore a pink shirt with dark blue jeans, she was also shorter than me.

"Ah Kairi, yes. Thank you for coming." The teacher smiled at her. When she turned her violet-blue eyes on me with a grimace I knew what she was thinking. _Like I have a choice._

"Roxas you can leave now I need to talk to Kairi. I'm sure Axel's waiting for you downstairs anyways." She gave me a smile, too, and in return I gave her a blank stare. As I slowly made my way back to my stuff I heard them start talking.

"Kairi I've heard you've been having problems in this class as well as others. Do you mind telling me if there's something going on? Something at home maybe?"

"Maybe there is. If you want to know than look into it." The girl, Kairi, told her.

"Kairi." She said in a warning tone.

"Sorry, but that's what you have to do. I'm not gonna tell you or any other teacher or any fuckin' counselor. If you want to know than look into it. That or maybe I just don't like the fuckin' classes." The girl had attitude. Looking over I saw that she had her arms crossed and the teacher had her hands on her hips.

Before I could hear anymore I left and closed the thick door behind me. Outside in the hallway I ran into a petite blond girl wearing a white shirt and shorts. When she looked up at me with her blue eyes I knew it was Dem's sister.

"Namine." Damn my voice monotone.

"Hey." She said quietly with that small smile of hers. The girl was quiet and all, but since I was her brother's friend she was comfortable around me. At least enough to have a full conversation with me.

"Are you waiting to talk to her too?" I asked nodding my head towards the classroom I just walked out. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I'm waiting for my friend to get out." She explained as we heard a shout from behind the door. I nodded. Namine didn't have much friends that I knew of. I knew Hayner, Pence, and Olette since they were my friends too.

"Are you going to be with Demyx today?" She asked in that quiet voice of hers.

At least she didn't say anything about Xion. I've had enough people saying they were sorry about my loss. We heard another shout before the door slammed open. I didn't answer her question.

"Fuck off!" Kairi shouted as she stormed out of the classroom.

"Kairi, wait! Don't talk to a teacher that way." The teacher yelled as she appeared out the door. Kairi continued to walk like she didn't hear the women.

"Kairi!" Still like she didn't hear her.

"Sorry but I have to go." Namine said as she stood straight and grabbed her bag.

"Yeah. Later." She waved before running after the other girl. Sighing I started to make my way downstairs to the parking lot. Once outside I saw Dem and Ax already in the car as they waited by the main doors.

"Hey what took so long Rox?" Axel asked when I got in the back seat of Axel's red car. I sigh once more before explaining.

"She talked to me like every other teacher has today. After she was done this girl came in. You should have seen it." Dem turned to look at me.

"What happened?" he asked.

"She just spazzed out on the teacher. All she did was ask the girl if there was anything wrong at home or if there was a problem. Told the teacher to go look into her home life if she wanted to know and said it could just be because she didn't like the classes."

"Attitude much?" Axel said with a smile. Dem and myself nodded in agreement before I went on.

"Not only that but when I got outside the door I ran into your sis Dem." I told him.

"Really? Why did she do something?" His curiosity was understandable. Namine usually wasn't the kind of person to get in trouble with teachers.

"No she was waiting for that girl. They're friends apparently. And as I'm talking to her that girl just burst through the door telling the teacher to fuck off and walked away without saying anything. Namine ran after her."

"Geez. What kind of crowed is Nams running with?" Axel asked as he pulled into the fast-food place they'd chosen when I was still inside the school.

"As long as that girl isn't getting her in trouble I'm okay with it." Demyx said as he got out and practically ran into the place. Once inside I laughed as he and Axel fought over who would order first. Its times like these that I can actually laugh for real.

But even then the pain's still gonna come back. This moment of happiness is only temporary. Soon as I'm alone again the pain will be back. This much I know. It's been two weeks after all.

"Hey guys. I'll be in the bathroom." I told them as they waited for the food. Nodding they continued to talk about nothing as I walked away. Doing my business and such I went to wash my hands and as I looked in the mirror I inwardly flinched at my appearance.

My blond hair was drooping when it was usually spiky, my skin tone was paler than usual and there were dark circles under my eyes. They were dark as the skin around my eyes was red, like I had been crying. I hadn't for the past week, but I had been fighting tears and I haven't been able to sleep well either. The bright blue of my irises seemed to have dimmed a bit. But it was the look in them that got to me. My eyes were blank and dead like they didn't know what else to feel now that it's been two weeks. There was no emotion whatsoever. Grimacing I splashed water on my face.

Maybe I should take better care of myself so every one could get off my back and stop worrying that I'm gonna kill myself soon. It's not like they're gonna notice that something's still wrong. They'll just think that I got over it all and I'm back to normal. People are to changing to be normal. I'm surprised no one really knows that. Then again they won't notice anything until it's too late. It's happened before with other people and it's gonna happen again.

This time it'd be with me. I know that I'd hurt a lot of people, namely my family and friends. But I just want this pain to end. Without her here there's something missing and that feeling won't ever go away. Even if I do get another friend, no one can take her place. It's the only peace I could get. She saw it too, so I wonder why no one else can. Maybe Axel and Dem can, but I know they love life too much.

I feel bad that I'm gonna hurt them in the end when they'd been nothing but the greatest friends out there. But how am I gonna be able to rest again? This pain. It just hurts so much.

I should get back out to Axel and Demyx. Must be wondering what's taking me so long. Again. Fuck. They might be eating my food.


	5. 05 Kairi

**A/N: Part of my mass upload today 'cause I feel like it and I can't find the others on my computer so I have to use the ones I left on Fanfiction. I'm not looking through them 'cause I have to get everyone up right now and probably get myself something to eat before I fall over and my dogs eat me (Puppies I swear I'm a frickin' chew toy to them and I feed them too) so I won't say much in the next ones I load up. Hope you like.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts (Might as well put it 'cause I'm paranoid).**

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**Kairi**

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School. Everything in this stupid institution made me even angrier.

They thought that at least one of them could get through to me. That just made them all the more fuckin' stupid. I kinda think its messed up that a school is called an institution when they also call hospitals and prisons the same thing. I forget who told me that but who ever did was right.

Right now I didn't feel angry as I would be in this shitty place. Probably 'cause Nam was here to calm me down. Well. . . She tried to. Before I had to go talk to my moronic math teacher.

"Sometimes I wonder why they still try."

"I don't know Kairi. When she's done with you you wanna go eat? Dem's gonna be with his friends today." Sweet Nami. Always doing things for me to make me feel better. The big thing about it is that it works. Namine doesn't have much friends and I'm the best one she has out of them.

To answer her I nodded as we walked toward the math department. Ever since I got here they tried to get me to talk about my problems. They're my problems so I get to choose if I tell someone about them. Only my friends know, and there aren't a lot of them. First you have Namine. Then you have three others. Hayner, Pence, and Olette. They have other friends but they like to hang out with us more. I don't really know why with me being messed up and Nams being so quiet.

Luckily the math department had no classes during fourth block. That was one thing I liked about the block scheduling we had. Might have been the only thing though. Sitting still that long made me anxious. From how I live at my house I was always moving. Sitting still meant being caught and I never wanted to be caught. I'd end up fighting back and that just made the beatings all the more worse. I'm just happy they don't hit me where the bruises will show.

Coming back to reality I noticed we were almost there. Gritting my teeth I kept on walking to reach that damn door. No math classes fourth block, no one would hear me yell some things that were sure to come. They always did, but this time no ones here to see it. At least I hoped. Sighing with one last look at Nami I walked in the door.

Only to find her talking to some boy. A skater wearing a white shirt and black pants.

"You wanted to see me?" Might as well save him from his talk to get mine over with. The sooner I was out of here the better. When he turned I saw how he looked. Dirty blond with bright blue eyes. He seems out of it to me, his eyes are just dead. I bet she's asking him if he's okay. The teacher smiled at me as skater-boy watched.

"Ah Kairi, yes. Thank you for coming." Looking at skater-boy with a grimace I knew he was thinking the same thing as me. _Like I have a choice_.

"Roxas you can leave now I need to talk to Kairi. I'm sure Axel's waiting for you downstairs anyways." She gave him the same bright smile she gave me a second ago. Skater-boy just gave her a blank look with those dead eyes of his. I wonder if he weren't as messed up as he probably was would his eyes sparkle? They seemed bright enough to.

He started to slowly make his way over to his stuff in the back when she started talking to me. Damn her, not having the decency to give me a little bit of privacy.

Fuck. Why is she so persistent? I said that I was doing okay in my classes. Why else would I be taking Junior classes? I practically skipped a grade.

"You know what? Forget this." I through my hands up and started walking towards the door.

"Kairi wait!" She shouted after me before I could get out the door.

"Fuck off!" I yelled at her before beginning to walk away.

"Kairi, wait! Don't talk to a teacher that way!" Try telling my parents to not talk to me like that and maybe I won't.

"Kairi!" I'm not gonna talk to her again. Fuck. I'm really gonna need that lunch with Nams. Just hope Hayner, Pence, and Olette don't mind coming.

"Kairi." I heard Namine's quiet voice as she ran up to me. Shit, I left her back there.

"Sorry Nami. I was just. . ." I sighed, frustrated that that bitch just wouldn't give up. Letting out an angry breath I slumped down against the wall.

"She just got me mad." Like I wasn't already. We both knew that. Setting down her bag Namine sat next to me against the blindingly white wall. If they wanted to know about my home life why not find out first hand. Talking to my parents won't help. The face they put up could put me in treatment. Hell it already did, but I stopped going. I think they'd given up on me, but I wonder why the teachers won't.

"I'm a fuckin' lost cause. I don't mean shit to the world." I muttered as I let my head rest in my hand.

"Kairi. . ." Namine trailed off as she was about to scold me again for not caring.

"Well Shit you still mean something to us so hurry up so we can go eat." I'd know that fucking voice anywhere.

"Tens points if it's Hayner." I muttered. Looking up I saw his smug smirk as he crouched in front of me. Camo-pants and a black skull shirt. Olette was standing behind him smiling smiling in her favorite orange shirt and tan capri pants as Pence stood a little off to the side with a small wave wearing his red shirt and baggy blue jeans.

"Fuck you Hayner." I knew I was smiling. My words may be harsh but they've gotten used to it. Why else would they be my friends.

"Why I'd love to but let's go eat first." He said as he pulled Nami and me to our feet. Pence already had Nami's bag.

"You're a sick perv Hayner." He stated as he handed Namine her bag again causing everyone to smile. We all knew he was but the girls of our group were used to it.

"Come on you guys. I have no money in my account and I'm hungry." Olette said as she grabbed my arm with one hand and Hayner's with her other. With Olette hungry and Nami and Pence backing her up we made our way to Namine's and Hayner's cars. They were lucky enough to have parents buy them their cars. The rest of us had to work for it.

"Hey you guys we should see who can get there the fastest." Hayner said as we reached the cars. Back of the parking lot under the trees next to each other.

"You're on. Girls versus guys." Olette said as she hung out the backseat window.

"Pence?" Hayner turned to look at our other guy friend in red.

"Rules. Obey all traffic laws but try to find the quickest way to our usual spot." He stated.

"That's kinda boring." Hayner stated rubbing the back of his head.

"Then loser's team captain buys lunch for the winners." I couldn't help but put that in. Last time we did something like this it was Olette who had to pay because she lost to Hayner. I saw the jerk smirk at me before agreeing.

"Deal. It's me against Kairi." I nodded as I returned his smirk. With that settled Nami and me decided who was going to drive.

"Nami you should drive. You know your car better than the person who made it and you know the quickest possible ways through this damn city. Get us there and I'll be happy today." She smiled and she grabbed her keys and put them in the ignition. Looking over from the passenger side of Nami's dark blue car to Hayner's black one I saw he was driving.

"See you there girls." That's all he said before driving off.

"I wonder what's taking them so long?" Olette asked as she hung out the window again. We'd been sitting in the parking lot for a good ten minutes waiting for the guys to show up.

"I think that's them." Nami said as she pointed past my shoulder. Sure enough there was Hayner's annoyed face as he pulled up next to us.

"I'd like the usual thank you." I smiled at him as he got out.

"Fuck you." He said with that smirk he used to cover his disappointment.

"I thought you said we had to eat first." I got out to look up at him. Like most guys he was taller than me. Pence was about as tall as me if not taller.

"Come on! Food now!" Olette said dragging the two of us inside.

"I'll go order. Get the booth." He knows what we order 'cause it's always the same. We also sit at the same booth. We all have no lives, and we kinda don't care.

As we make our way over I can see Nami looking around at the people. Probably looking for her brother. After we sat down I guess she found him.

"He's here." She said quietly as looked in his direction.

"Your brother?" Olette asked her still looking around for Hayner to give her her food. I swear she should eat more so she's not so hungry.

"Yes. He's with his friends." As she said this she turned to give us all a meaningful look.

"Those friends huh." Hayner said as he finally got back to us. The tray was full of food. Olette looked happy.

"I wonder why he hangs out with them. He doesn't seem like the type. Don't you think?" Pence said as he gathered his own order.

"No shit. Your brother seems too nice to be with those fuckers." I added my own two cents, but what I said was the truth. Dem seemed too nice to be with that kind of group. And I mean the kind of group who would love to have someone like me in it. Someone who doesn't give a shit about home. Nami's brother loved her too much to leave her alone at home. That's what made it harder to believe. Maybe they would take my brother in, that bastard.

"Roxas?" Looking over I saw Nami staring at her brother's group again. She looked confused.

"Roxas?" Our three other friends shouted, sending food flying. With another grimace and a silent curse I wiped the food off my face before asking.

"Whose Roxas?"

"He—used to be one of our best friends back in TTMS. He transferred in from a different school, seemed lost so we became friends." Hayner explained to me.

"Ended up being better than Hayner at Struggling." Pence adding after swallowing.

"Haven't really talked to him since he transferred back to his old school. Rarely we'll see him in the halls and talk before class." Hayner continued after giving our friend in red a glare. They weren't really surprised that I didn't know him. I went to different schools before meeting them in High School At first I went to Radiant Garden Academy, but when everything started going bad my parents transferred Lea and me to Hallow Bastion Middle School. It was the worst school on the baddest part of town. Then Lea left and transferred to a different school. I had only one friend there who ended up leaving. I don't know where he is now.

"Why's he hanging out with that group?" Olette said as she craned her neck to look.

"Wait," I said to them as I thought back. _Roxas_ _you can leave now I need to talk to Kairi. I'm sure Axel's waiting for you downstairs anyways._

"Then who the fuck is Axel?" They all looked back at me when I said the name.

"You don't know Axel?" Pence said. I moved back from all the stares they were giving me.

"No I don't fucking know. I've been too focused on the teachers bugging me everyday." In all honesty I have been. Because of that I've been almost constantly angry. Being constantly angry has made me more tired than I've ever been. The tiredness has made me more sloppy at home causing more beatings and them being worse. Not only that but I try fighting back but I'm too tired to continue to I can't block the punches. That makes me even more tired. And because of that I get angry at the teachers even more.

Its a never ending cycle and I hate Lea all the more for leaving me behind. I wish I had a brother like Dem. Maybe then I wouldn't be so angry and hate the world.

"Axel's one of the baddest people of that group, Organization XIII. He's the one who punishes the members who get out of hand. Dem came home one day like that." Namine said as she kept looking at the group I couldn't see.

"Did he say why?" Hayner asked before he took a bite of his sandwich.

"No. But Kairi. Why did you ask who he was?" Nami asked me as she turned her bright blue eyes on me.

"He's that skater-kid who was in there talkin' to that bitch before me. Guy seemed so dead."

"Oh yeah. I heard one of the people of the Organization committed suicide. People I heard it from said Axel and Roxas looked so broken up about it. I guess they were friends." Pence told us. I sighed with all the bad news happening.

"Who wants to come with me to get some ice cream?" I asked and they all gave me sheepish looks.

"I'll go." Namine stood to let me out and followed me up. No one else offered knowing that I was angry from it all. They knew Nami was the only one who could calm me down enough. Hayner came in second, Olette and Pence tied at third. As we walked up to the counter I wondered what else would go wrong in my stupid fucking life.


	6. 06 Roxas and Kairi

**A/N: Part of the mass upload. I lied and looked through this one. Going back and looking through the other just to check. Hope you like. Blah.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

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**Roxas and Kairi**

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"You fucking asshole." I muttered as I put my head on the table.

"You took too long Roxy. I was hungry." My so called best friend reasoned. God.

"I was in there for five minutes." Five minutes too long. Axel eats like a pig. Probably because of his past but still. Three years of being homeless shouldn't make you this hungry. I sighed as my stomach demanded food threatening me with pain. If it weren't part of my body I'd swear my stomach was trying to kill me.

"Here Roxas. Go get something, I can hear your stomach from here." Dem said handing me some of his money. I gave Axel another glare before getting up from our table. I don't know why but they seem to like the small round ones they put in the middle of the place. Weirdos. It seems too cramped for me.

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"Get the fuck away from me Seifer." I growled at him. Namine was standing behind me as he leaned over me, his flunkies all cocky backing him up.

"Now don't be that way Kai." He gave me a stupid mischievous grin as he advanced on me. His little nickname got me angry, only Lea could call me that and since he was never coming back, no one ever could. Seifer pissed me off, even more so now that he reminded me of my brother.

"Don't you dare fucking call me that you bastard." The words were ripped from my mouth without thinking but I would have said it anyways.

"Kairi, Namine." Looking to the side I saw Hayner and the others coming our way. I felt a small relief at seeing him but that feeling was the size of a baby ant.

"What the fuck do what here Seifer." Hayner spat out at the other blond. Seifer was taller than the rest of us, wearing a black ski-cap over his short blond hair which didn't hide the large scar going across his face. Speaking of which it just broke out into a smile that came before bad news came. I knew it well.

"I was just asking her out."

"What?" I heard my friends shout.

* * *

"What?" Looking over I saw who shouted. Hayner, Pence, Olette, and Namine were standing in a small group around that one girl, Kairi. In front of them I saw Seifer and his gang. Hayner looked pissed and the others differed between disgust, surprise, and shock.

"Like hell I would go out with you Seifer." I heard Kairi growl out. She seemed ready to lash out at him but only Hayner standing in front of her stopped her.

"Come on Kai. How could you say no to me?" He stepped forward and knocked Hayner into his one flunky, Rai, who held him there. When Kairi tried to catch him before he could be caught Seifer took hold of her.

"Let go of me!" She yelled.

"How about not." That sleazeball uttered. I rushed forward before anything else could happen, prying Kairi from his grip I stepped in front of them.

"She said she doesn't want to go out with you Seifer."

* * *

All I knew was that Seifer pushed Hayner into Rai. Before I could grab him Seifer caught me. Now Roxas is defending me and I don't even know the guy.

"And what makes you think you could order me around Sophomore?" Not bothering to answer Roxas continued.

"Let Hayner go, turn around, and leave." The shorter blond commanded. My eyes flicked to Hayner who was red from being forced down but seemed calm now that Roxas had shown up.

"How you gonna make me?" That bastard challenged.

"He doesn't have to Junior." Since when did Dem see this?

"Your making a scene little boy. I suggest you do as Roxas says or I just might have to make you go myself." That voice seems so familiar.

"Organization." I heard Fuu, the girl of Seifer's group, mutter as her crimson eyes landed on the two who showed up behind us.

"I forgot you were apart of them." Seifer huffed as his eyes flicked between them. Hayner's own eyes widened a bit as they locked onto Roxas. The blond stood absolutely still in front of me.

"Let Blondie go, we want no trouble." Seifer said as he walked out the door when Rai pushed Hayner into Roxas, or tried. Skater-boy caught him before he could be pushed back. Rai, Fuu, and Vivi (poor kid) following him after giving us glares.

"Roxas," Hayner said as he stood on his own, "Thanks man."

"No prob." The other blond muttered, as if he were tired.

"And if you don't want that happening again I suggest you watch your girl. Got it memorized?" That familiar voice said.

"She's not-" I cut him off. Whoever it was pissed me off.

"I am not his. . ." My mind went blank when I turned around to see who it was. From what I could tell he recognized me as well. The same red hair as before, the same bright green eyes. He looks so much like dad, like he always did.

* * *

Now I'm fucking confused. I hate being confused. That and not knowing what's going on. Which both were happening now. For some reason Kairi stopped when she saw Axel. Axel in turn went into, I think it was, shock.

"Kai? Kairi?" Axel asked her in disbelief.

"Lea?" She asked in return. Wait. Lea? What the hell?

"What the hell?" Dem can read minds sometimes. I looked between the two of them. Soon enough Axel broke from his shock to smile at Kairi and step forward to hug her.

"Kairi, I thought I'd never see you again." He was about to put his arms around her when she shoved him and stepped back. Axel seemed confused by her rejection.

"Get the fuck away from me you bastard!" She shouted at him, pure hate flashing in her eyes.

"Kai, please." He said stepping forward again. She punched him them, a kidney-shot, making him double-over in pain.

"You think after all these years you could just come back and I'd accept you. You were wrong you mother fucker. What did you think? That they'd snap out of it after you left? No! It's only worse now 'cause they blame me for you leaving." She shouted at him.

"Kai." Axel pleaded, still trying to breath.

"No. You said you'd fucking protect me my _dear loving older brother_," She sneered the last words, making Axel flinch back. Stepping forward Kairi grabbed his shoulders and brought his chest down to meet her knee.

"You said you'd come back to protect me no matter what. Now look what's happened." She whispered in his ear before throwing him back. Turning around she looked at Hayner.

"Get me outta here." She said. Hayner went to her side, putting his arm around her waist to guide her outside. He led her to a black car and put her in the front seat before running to the driver's side. After that he went speeding out of the parking lot.

"I think I've lost my appetite." I said as I tried to hand Dem his money back. He shook his head telling me to keep it. Shoving it in my pocket I motioned for him to help me haul Axel to his car. He wouldn't be able to move well for awhile.

"We'll just take him back to my house. Nams, soon as your friends are home come back okay?" Dem told Namine, who nodded, and then helped me haul the red-head out to the red car in the parking lot. As we were getting Axel in the back seat I saw Namine drive off with her friends in her Dark cobalt blue car that Dem had bought her. I remember him telling me that he told her that their parents bought it for her. He'd secretly been saving money for it since she first saw it and fell in love with it.

"Damn," Axel coughed out as he slowly laid down, "Didn't think she would ever be able to pack that much of a punch."

"Well there's a lot of things you think could never happen." I muttered, reminding him of another girl that hurt him as well as myself.

"Right," He sighed and closed those bright green eyes.

He can feel the pain too. That much I know. I also knew he had a sister, but from the way he talked about her I never thought she'd end up being that angry girl in the classroom today. He had called her the sweetest person he ever knew. More so than Namine because she would talk more an make a person believe in something. Offer advice where the blond girl would offer her quiet smile. How ironic it was for them to be friends. Even more so now because of his sister being the most angry person I've set eyes on.

Axel must be hurting bad, for she's the only one keeping him from killing himself after Xion's death. Me? I have no one to do that for me. Yeah there's Axel but knowing him, soon as he gets the chance he's leaving. For something better he says. He's got his own problems, too much to worry about me so much. Axel's my best friend but even he can't make this fucking pain go away. No one can. Just like no one can fill her spot.

Even now, weeks later, I feel like screaming out my pain. The need to feel some other pain so strong, just like that first day. My heart hurting, like that entire first week. In a month it's still gonna feel the same. Never ending. There are the moments where I feel like I used to, but even then I've changed. Everyone has. No on stays the same forever. People are always changing, there's no escaping it. I used to feel so much when she was here, but now I feel pain, and the other times nothing.

When the pain comes I want to do nothing else but show it. Instead it stays inside wreaking havoc in my heart, until it broke. Then it started pouring out, in the form of a crimson liquid running down my pale skin. I watch it as it soaks up into the white towel, blemishing the once pure surface. And each time it gives me a little more satisfaction and relieves the pain I feel inside. Like an outlet the pain I feel in my broken dead heart pours out black, staining red, and still I remember why it happens.

I feel so hopeless and lost I don't know what to do. I just want the pain to go away.


	7. 07 Kairi

**A/N: Last of my mass upload today and this is as far as I wrote so far and I haven't had time to do much else since they cleaning my computer, I ended up getting sick, and I have to deal with my dad's drinking problem and help my mom through this since drinking could kill him. Seems like these problems follow you no matter how old you are.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

* * *

**Kairi**

* * *

"I can't believe he thought I'd accept him back." I muttered as Hayner drove me somewhere. Where that was I didn't know. I didn't fucking care as long as he got me away from that bastard of a brother.

"After all that's happened since he left. What the hell was he thinking? That they'd stop soon as they found out it was their addictions that made him leave?" I continued, my voice angrier, more hateful. I couldn't cry though, he deserved no tears from me. But even then all I wanted to do was cry.

"God, I just wanna fucking scream until I can't anymore. All he succeeded in doing is making it worse for me. Now I have to go through what he did. Not only that but having his broken promises flash through my mind each time I'm home and they beat me." I can feel my eyes water up as I clutched my hand to my chest. When I go back I'm not allowed to cry for it shows weakness and my father doesn't like that. He's beaten that fact that it is a weakness into me so much even now I fight, but with Hayner here I feel like crying.

"He doesn't even know that he's broken my heart." I said through my wavering voice. Leaning forward in the seat I hugged my arms to my chest to try and stop my heart from hurting. My head was pounding and I felt the tears slowly run down my face. Lifting my head I wiped them away only to curse when I felt more falling, faster and faster.

"Kairi. Go ahead and cry. Don't hold it in anymore." Hayner told me as he stopped the car on the side of the road.

"No. That bastard deserves no tears from me." I told him, my voice fierce with resolution.

"Don't cry for him then Kairi. Cry for everything that's happened to you since he left." Hayner reasoned, giving me the perfect excuse to not hold it in anymore.

As every memory of everything that's happened ran through my mind I felt my control slipping as I finally cried for the first time in three and a half years. Tears fell freely now and the pain I felt when he first left and hadn't come back clenched my heart. Sorrow moved into my heart as it broke again, anger and hate for him leaving me alone with them strengthening it to the point I actually did scream. I screamed long and loud in Hayner's car as every emotion I felt ran strong, so pure, through my body.

Through it all I felt Hayner wrap his arms around me, holding me as I went through the same thing I had when Lea left me four years ago. Four fucking long years where I been beaten to the point I couldn't move, couldn't breath, but forced myself awake just to defy those who tried to teach me a lesson for disobedience. Four years I forced smiles, laughs, and fought for control over my emotions. I kept living just so that if he saw me again he'd see what I've become and feel every drop of guilt for breaking his promises. For making me go through hell these past four years. From the age of twelve to sixteen I'd been beaten. For each birthday the beating were worse. Sometime enough to the point of admitting me to the hospital, but I've gotten out of having to go.

I met Namine that way. Lying out in the street in Hallow Bastion, bleeding and dying. Crying for anyone to help me. Then I saw I girl in a white dress walk by. I cried out to her and she stopped as she saw me. Running to me she helped me to her brother's car. They tried to take me to the hospital, but I yelled for them not to. Instead they took me to their house. I was thirteen at the time.

Now look at me. Sixteen. My birthday's coming up soon, and all I want is to leave this godforsaken place. Once I wished my brother would take me when he left, take me to a better place where no one could hurt us. We'd be together as the family I always wanted.

But now I can see that's just a fool's wish. There's nothing out there for me, and the only family I have are my four friends.

I felt myself calming down and when I stopped Hayner let me go and started his car.

"I'm taking you to Olette's. You don't need to be beaten tonight." He said as he looked straight ahead. Hayner knew, like the rest of my friends, that I did get beaten each night. I was lucky to be able to have a quiet night sometimes when they both fell asleep. They had no jobs for my grandfather paid for the house we lived in. When they came to visit I was glad. My grandfather was the dad I never really had, and my grandma the mom I've always wished I had.

I don't remember if I thanked him or not. On the way to Olette's house I feel asleep. I vaguely remember Hayner carrying me inside and Olette telling him to put me on one side of her queen bed. Everything else is too dark to remember.


	8. 08 Roxas

**A/N: Yes I am getting off my lazy ass and working on my stories. Yes I'll be doing the same tomorrow. Yes I might as well do that for the rest of this month. Okay so this one is different than the others, eh, by a bit I guess. I'm thinking of editing the other chapters soon as I find the files and such. So I ask that you just go along with my errors until I can get them fixed as I was running short on time for the last ones. I'm hoping I can write another chapter tonight and get that uploaded too before I fall over asleep.**

**Disclaimer: I don't Kingdom Hearts (this is getting to be a habit sadly).**

* * *

Roxas

* * *

"Oh well this is just great now isn't it?" I heard Dem's other sister say as we laid Axel down on his couch. Larxene slammed their front door shut. Since it was getting to fall the sky would get cloudy which was fine with me.

"Ya know Larx, ya could be a bit nicer to me. Besides I thought you liked having me here? Or was all you told me just a lie and you hate my guts more than anything in the entire world?" Axel is gutsy I gotta say, being able to speak to Dem's sister like that. As twins they both had blonde hair like Namine, but they had green eyes. I sighed as I walked away from the living room to stand in the hallway.

"Roxas. I thought I heard Axel bantering with Larxene again." I looked up into the blue eyes of Dem's dad. He had a British accent and he had passed his blue eyes and lighter blonde hair to Nam.

"Yeah. Helped Dem drag Axel onto your guy's couch." I informed him. His eyes sparked with amusement even though my voice was dead sounding.

"Really? May I inquire what he did this time?"

"He got beat by a girl who wasn't Larxene." Dem told him as he walked towards us. I yawned, not for the first time after the events at the food place. Dem soon did the same as Luxord, Dem's dad, laughed.

"So where is Namine?" Luxord asked as he turned to go back into the kitchen.

"She went to drop of Pence and Olette." Automatically I followed after Dem and tossed myself into his kitchen chair, feeling as dead as I knew I looked. Standing up against Seifer like I wasn't a slab of meat took most of my energy that I used to get myself home and into bed. Usually I fell asleep with my shoes still on and day clothes still on. I rarely turned my light on anymore and only ate when I absolutely had to.

"What no Hayner?" Luxord was well known among us kids since he divorced his wife who was also blonde, but she was the one who passed on her green eyes to the twins. I guess that's why he got full custody of all of his kids and why I never met Dem's mom. Namine once told me she couldn't even remember what she looked like.

"No he took off before the rest to take Nam's other friend home." Dem told his dad before he set food in front of me. My hunger back in ten-fold I tore into it as Luxord grabbed three cans of pop for each of us.

"Oh Kairi? I'd feel bad for the poor sap who got her mad." He laughed as leaned back on his ultimately clean counter. The only mess they ever had in this house was from Dem and his friends, otherwise known as Axel and me.

"You know Kairi?" There goes Dem with his mind reading thing, only this time he was a full second ahead of me. Instead I took a drink of my soda.

"You talk like I don't know my own kids." They both smiled as a shout from Larxene and Axel reached up with a resounding slap. You see Luxord knew all of his three kids like he knew how to gamble. And as you can see their mansion of a house, the garage that usually housed four cars at night, their spotless spaces and the rest of the things they own. . . yeah you get the picture. I learned the hard way not to bet with Dem's dad and it almost emptied my almost non-existent bank account.

"Too bad that poor sap happened to be Ax." I muttered causing Luxord to burst out laughing.

"Dad? I'm home." We all turned to see Namine walk in and place her keys on the table. She walked over to the counter to grab a banana from the fruit bowl they placed there.

"So did Pence and Olette make it home safely?" Luxord asked her. Must just be a habit of his to wonder about everything out loud. Namine nodded at him before breaking off a small bit of her banana and eating it. A small habit I noticed since I've known her.

Getting up I tossed the napkin Dem had put my sandwich on and sat back down to finish my soda. From the living room I heard more shouting from Larxene accompanied by the sounds of a struggle. Dem and Lux got up to go save Axel before they had to bail out their sister/daughter from jail for murder.

"Go ahead and get some more food from the fridge Rox. I know that sandwich won't make you full." Dem threw back at me before he left to save his friend. Well he's my friend too but I'd rather eat something first before dying.

So now I'm making a sandwich and dropping back into the haze I was in earlier. I guess that's the good thing about being friends with Dem. Being with him and his family and Axel made you forget the pain. I can't laugh just yet, but they didn't give me time for thoughts. If it weren't for Luxord being here I would bet that hanging out with Larxene is what is making Ax forget about what happened with his sister.

I just wish my family were like this.


	9. 09

**A/N: I am so sorry this has taken, like, for-fucking-ever to come out. In all honesty, I lost the drive to write anything for a good long time and this came from a random burst of emotions. I've been doing my best to re-write some of what I already have-but I decided to go with what I have and expand on it and then go back and re-edit it to sound and flow better.**

**It's just been a bit hard to go back into those thoughts that first prompted this story. It was so much easier in the beginning because I was still in the middle of it and now that I'm on the outside-living a good, healthy, productive life. . . It's hard to believe I've come so far from something like that.**

**But because I have, it is my goal to finish this story and take it in the direction my life has gone. So I hope you enjoy this-as it helps me to continue what I have started so, so very long ago.**

**(And I would like to know who you think this character is.)**

* * *

_I just want to cry. I want to cry because it hurts so much. Why does it have to hurt so much?_

_Hey—hey-it'll be alright. Okay? I'm here. I got you. Everything's gonna be fine._

_No it's not! Nothing will ever be fine!_

_Don't talk like that. Everything gets better. I promise you—everything will get better. You just gotta stay with me, alright? Okay?_

_How can you be so sure?_

_Because—it does get better, Xion. In the end, everything's worth the pain._

_When?! _

_I—I can't tell you how long it'll take, Xion. But please! Please, just trust me. I'm almost there alright? I'll be with you in a minute._

_I—I can't. I just can't. I can't do this anymore._

_Xion? Xion what are you saying?_

_I can't—I can't. Not anymore._

_Xion—stay with me Xion. I'm right outside. Hang on._

_I'm sorry—I'm so sorry._

_No, Xion. Stay with me. **BANG.** Oh, my god! Xion?! XION!_

_. . . ._

_This is your fault. It's your fault my daughter's dead._

_-maybe you're right. Maybe it is my fault._

_If she never met you, she would still be alive!_

_-maybe she would be._

_Now get out of my sight. I never want to see your face again._

_-I should have been there for her. I never should have left. I should have been there. I should have been there. I should have been there._

_I should have been there._

_I should have been there._

_I should have been there._

_But I wasn't. . . ._

"And now—Xion's dead."


End file.
